Heresy: The Dimebag Desecration

Today, music websites everywhere are reporting that the grave of Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell has been vandalized by a tiny band from Fort Wayne, Indiana called Nuclear Hellfrost. Of course, this has just about everyone in the metal community in absolute rage. When you go about disrespecting one of the genre's most iconic musicians-- who a decade after his death still has a massive following-- and causing emotional trauma to that person's loved ones, you are in for a world of hurt.

I understand not being a big fan of the band. Pantera's not my favorite, but I love them and you'd have to be an imbecile to not recognize the impact Dimebag and the gang had on metal music. They practically kept it alive while grunge was tearing it up in the Nineties. But to dump trash on a man's grave is downright stupid. Do you really have to go out of your way to show how much you hate someone? It just makes the dudes in this band come off as awful and spiteful human beings.

I took a look at Nuclear Hellfrost's page. The first thing I came upon was a statement from the band claiming they had nothing to do with the defamation of Dimebag's grave, but rather a former vocalist looking to seek revenge.

I can't help but smell bullshit. The photo came from an Instagram account called "crustyplague" which has since been deactivated. I don't know whether or not this is the band's page as a whole or belongs to a member. If it is the former, then it looks like the band should have changed their password immediately after dumping the vocalist. Another thing that strikes me is that in their post, Nuclear Hellfrost never specify who the member is, though a photo was later posted claiming it was a dude by the name of Reece Eber. He's listed as a current member on Encyclopedia Metallum, so they may have kicked him to the curb AFTER writing that post.

I've also been noticing that Nuclear Hellfrost's Facebook page has been GAINING likes since the incident, which leads me to believe this is some kind of sick publicity stunt. At this moment, they have 1,716 likes, which is miniscule in comparison to Pantera's 9, 378,748. When you're connecting yourself to one of the most beloved metal bands in history, you're receive a massive influx of traffic, though I'm certain that this is going to have the absolute opposite effect of what they want. They are going to receive SO MUCH HATE. I haven't been digging through the comments sections, but I wouldn't be surprised to see at least ten death threats.

So what do you think? Was this the work of a renegade former band member looking to incite anger against his former comrades or was this Nuclear Hellfrost's attempt at putting the spotlight on them? No matter what, I'm absolutely certain this is career suicide for these guys.

UPDATE-- March 2, 2 AM

Reece Eber confirmed he acted alone and has issued an apology via Nuclear Hellfrost's Facebook page. He wanted to do a little prank and it totally fell like a rock. Really? That's your excuse? This was a prank? Really fucked up thing to do, bro. Were the chuckles you had worth it?

I'm still not buying this. Commenters are posting screen caps of other members' comments on Facebook (apparently using pseudonyms) talking about how "Dime had it coming". Doesn't sound like the work of one dude to me.

A lot of commenters are also threatening Eber and the band. While I'm fairly certain these are all bark and no bite, I can't help but feel that this kind of behavior is just as bad. The metalhead stereotype media likes to drum up is one that is closed-minded, angry, and prone to violent behavior. These fans are only perpetuating that stereotype by going to such extremes to avenge Dimebag's honor. Do you think Dime or anyone in Pantera would want someone to go to any of these guys and shoot them or hang them? Absolutely not! Celebrating the man's life by ending another's is illogical. Take the high road, guys.

Also, Nuclear Hellfrost's now up to 2,461 likes.

UPDATE-- March 3, 1 AM

Apparently photos are circulating around of a band supposedly peeing on and flipping off a mural of Dimebag. The band in question is HOD, a Texas band. It was shared with the belief that it was Nuclear Hellfrost. When people recognized the band as HOD, they got tied into the clusterfuck. HOD claimed responsibility for the photo, but (as I surmised) claimed it was in jest and that no actual piss was involved. They photo was taken to express their dislike for Pantera, but without any true maliciousness behind it. They have received death threats and more from the community and would like this to stop, a course of action I agree upon.

Nuclear Hellfrost's fan base continues to expand, now at 3,135.

Hit the Lights! Three Bands I Wish Would Reform

Bands come and go. Some are brilliant sparks who are put out in the blink of an eye while others are dim embers that burn and burn no matter how hard people try to stomp them out. No matter who it is, it's always a sad moment when a talented group must part ways. But that does not always mean the end. So many amazing artists have come back together after time apart to continue their legacies: Black Sabbath, Soundgarden, Faith No More, At the Gates, the list goes on. But still, there are a few bands who've left a print on my soul that have been out of the game for a while. It's about time they release some new material or play a gig so I-- and others-- can mosh like there's no tomorrow.

Number 1: Dangerous Toys 

I've expressed my love for glam metal in the past, and now I'm hitting myself in the ass for not bringing up this band. What makes Dangerous Toys so great is that while everyone and their mother was trying the copy-and-paste Guns n Roses or Poison approach, these bad boys didn't care to be polished and pristine; they were filthy and nasty. The guitars, bass, and drums just will never fail to get you moving; you can't help but get down and boogie to "Teas'n, Pleas'n" off of their self-titled debut album. Jason McMaster's voice resembles Axl Rose's but delivers more with a certain je ne sais quoi... that and I'm sure he won't show up to the gig late. Although their last album, The R*tist 4*merly Known as Dangerous Toys, made a sharp turn left into grunge/college rock territory, the transition is well-done and maintains attitude that hearkens back to their roots.

The band hasn't made an album since R*tist back in 2001. They've had one-off shows over the years, so I guess you can say they're semi-active. However they've not done much since everyone in the band has other projects going on in their hometown of Austin, Texas. However, I think DT needs to reunite seriously and get back in the studio. Wherever their musical compass points them, I'm sure it'll be interesting.

Number 2: Cranium

 I don't remember how it was I came across these guys, but I instantly fell in love. The best way I can describe the Swedish thrashers is that when it comes to ridiculousness, they're on a level that rivals Gwar. They may not dress up as aliens or anything, but their pseudonyms alone suggested that their music would overflow with violence and debauchery like an overfilled tube of toothpaste: Chainsaw Demon, Grave Raper, and Necro-Nudist. Then there's the album artwork...

That's the cover art for their debut album Speed Metal Slaughter. I have to say that this puts Cannibal Corpse's artwork to shame. A woman has a bottle up her butt, for God's sake!

If you think this image is to make up for a shabby sound, you'd be mistaken. I'm convinced that if the band had released Speed Metal Slaughter a decade earlier, they'd be regarded one of the Kings of Thrash, maybe lumped together with Kreator, Sodom, and Destruction; they'd fit right in since the members snarl with a German accent. Speaking of snarls, Chainsaw Demon produces some of the most wretched growls and shrieks. The dude's truly a Hellspawn. The guitar and drums command you to mosh and bang your goddamn head. Look into songs like "Slaughter on the Dance Floor", "Dentist of Death", "Nymphomaniac Nuns", and "Pestilential Penis" and you'll find the charmingly demented lyrics that are both hilarious and fucked up. 

Sadly, Necro-Nudist (real name Johan Hallberg) took his own life in 2001. It's going to take a truly exceptional drummer with a dark sense of humor to fill in for him. As unlikely as they are to return, I would be absolutely thrilled if these guys came back for some festival dates.

Number 3: Pantera

Surely this is the band that comes to everyone's mind when this kind of topic is discussed. One of the most loved metal bands in the world, I don't think there's a metalhead out there who wouldn't be thrilled to mosh to "Cowboys from Hell" one more time. Of course with the death of Dimebag Darrell, a lot of people will say that a reunion wouldn't be the real deal. And then the bad blood between Phil Anselmo and Vinnie Paul just makes matters even more difficult; Rex Brown's just in the background like "I just wanna play bass". 

Here's how I think a Pantera reformation could work: the remaining members, along with guest guitarists, tour the world to celebrate the music and life of Dimebag Darrell. Get Robb Flynn, Zakk Wylde, Dino Cazares, Scott Ian, and other axemen the man considered his friends. I'd even be thrilled if the band decided to try out the catalog of their glam metal past and had some of the men who influenced him pay homage to their student, including Eddie Van Halen and Ace Frehley. Now that I think of it, I wonder how Frehley would sound playing "Walk". 

 Bonus! A Band I'm Totally Okay with Not Reuniting
Celtic Frost

Now, I'm sure there's people out there who's jaws just dropped upon seeing this. "But Toxic Ty, how could you not want to see the return of one of the most influential metal bands of all time?!" Well, friends, I'll tell you why. Because Celtic Frost is essentially Tom Gabriel Fischer's child. He's the driving force of the band and everyone else is an afterthought. His new band, Triptykon, IS the new Celtic Frost, right down to the H.R. Giger cover art; some people may argue it's even better than the legendary band. Triptykon could be even better is if they played Celtic Frost songs during shows. Hell, Fischer can probably do some legal magic to merge the two together.

Well friends, what do you think? Who would you like to see return to the stage and studio? Anyone who's broken up you're okay not getting back together? Tell me what you think.

The Chuck Norris Experiment-- Right Between the Eyes

Hey everyone! Welcome to my first ever album review. Let's cut the bull and get the ball rolling!

Right Between the Eyes (2014)

The Chuck Norris Experiment

Transubstans Records

I had absolutely no idea what to expect when I first heard of this band, recommended to me by the father of a friend who runs Strange Magic Records.  Okay, I lied there. I only had one expectation: that this would be freakin' awesome. I mean, it's gotta be hardcore if it's got "Chuck Norris" in the title.

Sadly, this is not Walker, Texas Ranger's foray into music. The band of Chucks (every dude in the band is called Chuck) hails from Gothenburg, Sweden-- which may be one of the most musically diverse places on the planet-- and is intent on drowning the world in their fondue mix of stoner rock, punk, and Eighties hard rock; the best way to capture this band's essence is a quote often uttered by Lemmy of  Motörhead: "we play rock 'n' roll!"

The intro track, "You are One of Us", is just a tiny taste of what's to come. A simple lick expands into a jammin' solo that may not be the most technically playing, but it's backed by raw passion. The rest of the record is pure rock, baby. It's the kinda music that makes you want to hop on a Harley and ride through Nevada so you can kick some ass and party until there's no party left. Chuck Ransom's voice is reminiscent to a glam metal singer whose throat's had a few too many cigarettes-- and that's a good thing; the grit backs his lyrics up as if he's lived the stories he tells. The Chucks on guitars ("the Ripper" and Rooster) are true punks, playing just a few chords for the most part. However Ransom's lead breaks into and embellishes the melody. Sometimes these embellishments seem almost improvised, which I found to be the case on "Eaten Alive" His solos are either short and sweet or engulf the whole of the song like in "Gratitude". "Earth is Shaking" starts with a riff that feels like it came straight out of Palm Desert. This makes total sense since the band released a split back in 2012 with Nick Oliveri; he may have rubbed off on them a little bit.

The Chuck Norris Experience are punks that go beyond punk. Nothing flashy about them, but they'll satisfy you all the same. It's just really fun rock 'n' roll. Grab a beer, put the record on, and party on!

Obligatory Grammy Post

So last night was the ceremony for the Grammy Awards.

I had totally forgotten that they were a thing. Not knowing what was up for nomination this year, I decided to check out the list of who's who. Unsurprisingly, I didn't know who half the people on the list were. Hozier? Lecrae? Childish Gambino? I probably heard songs by them at some point on the radio during the summer. I just shrugged with each unknown name and kept on scrolling...

... but then I came to the metal category. Oh boy.

The nominees were as follows for Best Metal Performance:
Anthrax for "Neon Nights"
Mastodon for "High Road"
Motörhead for "Heartbreaker"
Slipknot for "The Negative One"
and finally Tenacious D for "The Last in Line"

At first I was taken aback, but that was only for a brief second before I remembered something... It's the goddamn Grammys!

For those of you thinking "I don't understand the problem here," let me break it down for you. The Grammys have always been absolutely abysmal when it comes to metal. Hell, we don't even get more than one category. Just "best metal performance." Can someone please tell me what the difference between "best song" and "best performance" is? I look at the contenders for other genres and they're the same candidates! Why not give us a "best metal album" slot? 

Look at the artists and you'll find two categories: the icons who paved the way for the genre and new money-makers. Now I love Motörhead, but Lemmy and the gang have been churning out the same thing since 1975. There's nothing special about that song. It's simply Motörhead. The same can be said for the Slipknot track. Mastodon's getting more fame nowadays, but I wouldn't say they have nearly as much popularity as Slipknot, but that song "High Road" is most definitely a recording made for the radio; it was able to peak at number one in the Hot Singles Sales last year. Then the other two are cover songs off of the Ronnie James Dio tribute album that dropped last year; one is performed by Big Four thrashers Anthrax and the other by comedic duo Tenacious D.

It seems like you get only get recognition if you're old, raking in the big bucks, or both. Look at the nominees over the past twenty-five years and you'll see very few acts that can be regarded as underground. But it's these bands who are making the best quality work nowadays. As much as I love bands like Motörhead, Megadeth, and Judas Priest, their recent material has been disappointing. You want to go "come on guys! You're better than that" but then you second-guess yourself. Are they? Or is their best work behind them now?

What's wrong with giving the young blood their share of the spotlight? As much as people like to bash these new bands, they're the ones who keep the genre alive. If you're definition of metal is solely based on bands from thirty-plus years ago, you're a dinosaur. Sure, they laid the foundation, but that isn't to say they were the best. Now it's up to the next generation to continue building it up. I'll admit nostalgia does tear at my heartstrings when have to be a critic, but it's true. The genre can't allow itself to be perceived as archaic; in reality it's just the opposite.

Metal is a thriving beast. Rock 'n' roll never died--I'm looking at you, Gene Simmons-- it adapted.

There are so many talented artists that it's not even funny. I'd write up a list, but then I don't know where to begin. That, and it'd be too long. Metal isn't just fast and loud. There's more to it than that.

Sadly, the underground will never be accepted by the hacks who do the voting. Let's face it: it's all about the money for them. It's a sad but true reality that cash trumps artistry in this scenario. At least the Oscars reward film makers for making truly great art. If they were anything like the Grammys, I guarantee you that at least one Transformers movie would have gotten Best Picture.

The Grammys need a makeover. Metal isn't the only one suffering. I'm sure the hip hop community has a beef with Eminem, Jay Z, and Kanye West getting nearly half of all the rap awards ever presented for the genre. There's gotta be a better system.

Oh, and in case anyone wants to know who won the award...

Yeah, a spoof band won for playing a cover.

That really goes to show that metal is a joke to the higher-ups of the music industry. That it's something for grungy ragamuffins and delinquents who were born too late and will never amount to anything in this society. Guess what, Grammys? If it rewards the mediocre and stomps out those who dedicate themselves to their work, then we reject your society.

My Four Metal Crushes and the Bands They Kick Ass In

Metal is often thought of to be a man's game. A lot of the time when women are mentioned in an article, it's usually a dumb old "hottest chicks" list. However, it's becoming more common for women to be appreciated for their skill rather than their sex appeal.

Yay! Progress!

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. I figured I'd take this opportunity to do two things: to act like a googly-eyed middle schooler and to shine the spotlight on some amazing musicians. Clearly beauty and talent are not mutually exclusive. However it's the latter quality that earns them a spot on this list. Be warned: each serious overview will be followed by the puppy-love-filled ramblings of a doofus.

Number 1: Sabina Classen of Holy Moses

 

The talent: It's hard enough to find women in metal, but even rarer to find a woman fronting an extreme metal band. Sabina Classen proves she can run with the big dogs in Germany's thrash scene; she's been doing so for over thirty years. Not only were Holy Moses one of the founders of the scene, but Sabina may very well be the first woman to utilize death growls. Holy Moses may get overshadowed by the Teutonic Trio of Thrash but I'd be willing to argue that what they lack in popularity they make up for in their role as a foundation for those who came after. Would the German scene have flourished without them? If it weren't for Sabina, would we be graced by other angels with demonic screams like Angela Gossow, Jill Janus, and Otep Shamaya? They've had lots of line-up changes over the years, but each one has brought to the table its own brand of thrash that keeps the pit moving and fists pumping.

The crush: She's goddamn gorgeous! She could probably be my mom, but she's still got it. She was beautiful in the Eighties and still possesses that young spirit. Look at her live and she'll be jumping around and whipping that hair like it's 1985. Her viciousness onstage only adds to her appeal. She's just a badass! Someone who could probably drink you under the table and would appreciate a good dead-baby joke.

Those of you who haven't heard of Holy Moses, I highly recommend let Finished with the Dogs and World Chaos lay waste to your ears. Also take a look at their latest release, Redefined Mayhem. 

Number 2: Dorthia Cottrell of Windhand

The talent: I've had the pleasure of seeing Windhand twice. The first was at Maryland Deathfest, but my attention was diverted by the plethora of t-shirts and patches I was seduced to peruse. I realized just how powerful the Richmond-based doom band was in a more intimate setting in the form of an Iowa City establishment called Gabe's. The sludgy guitars and bass fill the room and you feel like you're drowning in it like quicksand. The drums, like the moon, keep the tide going and force it to crash on you without relent. Then comes a voice that can only be described as haunting. Dorthia Cottrell's singing is sure to cause a shiver to run down your spine; it's as if a ghost is passing through you when her wails rise above the gloom. When laid over an acoustic guitar, the effect is amplified. The blues is alive deep down in her soul.

The crush: Not gonna lie, I  was enamored when I saw Windhand. After their set at Gabe's, I went decided to chat with Dorthia after getting some merch. I was immediately hugged, which took me by surprise. I learned she definitely prefers clubs over festivals. Playing during the day is weird. Didn't talk to her long, but I got the feeling she'd be fun to talk to over pizza and some good green.

Windhand has two full-length albums out, Windhand and Soma. They also have a couple split albums out there, one with Cough and the other with Salem's Pot. Dorthia Cottrell's also releasing her first solo album March 3rd via Forcefield Records.

Number 3: Onielar of Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult

The talent: Another German export, Onielar (AKA Yvonne Wilczynska) and her crew did something I did not think was possible. They made me like black metal. Before DNS, I just couldn't get into it. Every recording I heard was ultra lo-fi and sounded less like music and more like someone being tortured. Then I decided to listen to them and suddenly it clicked. What I heard can only be described as pure evil. The instruments are the sounds of war, a continuous push forward while the Onielar's snarls and shrieks guide the violence, almost like some wicked sorceress weaving dark spells against the listener. Onielar embodies horror and rage in both her cries and the frantic onslaught of her guitar. The recordings bear similarity to those of old school black metal, but are done so in a way that straddles the line between clarity and muddiness that seems to work wonders. DNS is one of the reasons I will be attending Maryland Deathfest this year. I don't care who I'll be missing out on to see them (probably Bloodbath or Obituary) but nothing will stop me from bearing witness to them, which I can only assume will be a ritual of pure darkness.

The crush: Apparently I have a thing for Germans. She looks inhuman under that make-up, but I don't care. I've seen a photo of her sans-corpse paint and she is stunning. I'm under the impression that sex would be kinky, borderline terrifying. But hey, that's not the number one thing on this dude's mind. We can talk. I'm sure Onielar is also philosophical. Satanic lyrics do that to people. The brain is the sexiest organ of all, right?

Listen to them in sequential order, starting with Follow the Calls for Battle, then onto Nocturnal March, Hora Nocturna, Saldorian Spell, and finally Necrovision.

Number 4: Kimberly Freeman of One-Eyed Doll

The talent: What can I say about One-Eyed Doll? So much! They're one of those bands that you can't exactly place in a single genre. Over the years, you get an eclectic blend of rock, punk, metal, folk, and electronica. The band manages to bring fun and darkness together in a way that can only be described as "delightfully macabre". Take their latest album, Something about a Dragon?, for example. One second you're listening to a song about ponies which sounds like something you'd hear on a children's singalong CD, the next you're listening to a brutal riff off a track called "Scorpion Death". The band is a box of chocolates a la Forrest Gump: you honestly have no idea what you're going to get. And part of that has to do with one half of the duo, the amazing Kimberly Freeman. To see her perform live is to see a unicorn in the flesh. She brings childlike humor to her stage banter; you can't help but crack a smile and laugh. Then once the song starts, she turns into a whirling dervish. She tackles that guitar and a tornado of hair slaps you in the face. She's a ball of energy, constantly exploding yet never sacrificing performance. She and Junior, the drummer, put on a show that can put many larger acts to shame. The shows are always kid-friendly and the band makes everyone a part of the show. The band treats fans like family. Once you're in, you're in forever.

The silly crush: Can I just say I'm in love? I had no idea who the band was when I saw them open for Otep but I instantly became a dedicated fan after they hit the stage. I got to be a part of the show when they needed "male participation". Kimberly used me as a human footstool for a song and I had the best experience of my life. I have never had more fun at a show! I also got a smooch on the top of my head for my help. After the show, I immediately bought two CDs and she signed them and gave me the biggest hug. No idea when I'll see the band again, but I want to so bad! The show will be epic and to chat with Miss Freeman is just super fun.

One-Eyed Doll has a plethora of albums: Hole, Monster, Break, Dirty, and Something About a Dragon?, as well as lots of singles you can find. Their next album, Witches, drops this March 24 and you might be able to catch them in a city near you this spring! Kimberly Freeman also has some solo albums out there, my favorites being Sleep and Into Outer Space.

If in the off chance any of you ladies are reading this, will you be my Valentine?

Anyway, I hope I've turned some people to some new artists. Guys and gals, who are your heavy metal Valentines?